Two years ago, my husband and I moved from a suburb of Salt Lake City to Dallas, Texas. After two and a half years, we are still here, calling it “home.” But we call Utah “home” too! We both grew up in Salt Lake, surrounded by relatives. Our parents and most of our extended family are still there. Whenever we go back to Utah to visit, we get asked about living away from family. My husband and I talk a lot about if and when we should move back to Utah to be closer to our parents and siblings. Sometimes we really miss our families and sometimes we like having our space. Have you ever lived away from family? Let me know if you feel the same!
Just a little bit of background…Gavin and I are one of the few lucky couples who really don’t deal with family drama. Of course there’s the infrequent disagreements or nuances or whatever because nobody’s perfect, but we don’t have any parents or siblings who are pushing us away. Maybe we’re the crazy ones! We love our families and definitely weren’t running away from anything when we left. The move was solely a business one.
We live about 1000 miles away from most our family members. The hardest part about this is that we miss them… obviously. Thank goodness for FaceTime! Birthdays and holidays tend to be when I miss them the most. We’ve gone home (Utah “home”) for Christmas every year, which is a blast, but I wish we could celebrate all the little holidays together too. Having kids makes the distance harder. I want my family to help us sing happy birthday to my boys and watch them blow out candles. I want to take my boys trick-or-treating to my parents house and show them off in full-Halloween mode. I want to go to the memorial day, fourth of July, and labor day barbecues they always have. Uggh, I’m feeling homesick just writing all this.
Sometimes distance adds to the occasional feelings of “fomo” or irrelevance. These negative thoughts don’t creep up on us too often, but when they do, it’s hard to swallow that we are the ones who made the choice to be physically distant from family.
Another hard part of living away is that when someone in the family needs help, there’s not a whole lot we can do besides phone calls and prayers. Within the past year, Gavin’s grandma and brother-in-law have had crazy experiences that landed them in the hospital for a few days. Both times, we felt so bad and helpless we couldn’t be there at their beckon call.
Family aside, sometimes I miss “home” because the mountains are there. Utah is soooo beautiful. There are opportunities for outdoor adventure at every corner. I really miss that, living in Dallas. The closest mountains to Dallas are a few hours away.
Alright, sob story over.
There have been some really fun perks of living “off on our own!” My favorite part of living away from family is getting visitors. A lot of my friends have said that they stress when visitors come to town because they don’t want to have to entertain anyone or think of things for everyone to do. That’s funny because I LOVE finding things for everyone to do! And I LOVE having an excuse to go new places or tour my own city. I also like when people stay at our teeny little apartment because then they’re forced to hang out with me 24/7 for a few days. Just kidding… But really, you get feeling pretty close and comfortable with people when you’re eating three meals a day and doing the bedtime routine together. Also, when our parents come to town, they spoil us. So I’m not going to lie and say I don’t like that!
On the same token, kind of, visiting home is really fun too! It’s always busy when we visit home because we have to cram seeing all our favorite people, doing our favorite things, and eating our favorite foods into a short trip, but it makes for a really fun few days!
One of the scariest but seriously coolest parts about moving is having to make new friends. It’s been a new experience for us that friends are such a big part of our lives here. Most big dates and holidays we have celebrated with friends. It’s hard to explain. Our network of friends has become such a true support system. I’m so grateful for the people we have met and gotten close to out here in Dallas. It’s been so good for us to have to get out of our comfort zones and put ourselves out there to develop relationships with strangers. I think it will affect how we’ll make friends and approach people for the rest of our lives.
I’m no licensed therapist, but I think living away from family is good for a marriage. As great as it is to easily hop on over to mom’s house for lunch, hanging out with family all the time can be a distraction from figuring things out as a couple. I like that living away has forced my husband and I to turn to each other when we are struggling with anything as simple as boredom or as complex as anxiety. And, with today’s technology, family is only a call away for when we need their support as well.
I’ve recently wrote about freedom and why it’s important to me. Living somewhere where your schedule is solely your own is pretty fun! We loved going to family events, it is relieving not having to plan around them! We can pretty much just do our own thing and (except certain circumstances) our schedule doesn’t affect others, and vice versa. It’s kind of nice, if I’m being honest!
If you are thinking of relocating or moving somewhere new, here’s my advice:
It’s OK to be scared, you aren’t the only one who has been scared at the thought of living in a new place. Don’t hide behind the fear. Don’t be scared of being excited either. PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE. Even if you are an introvert, you need to make friends. The way to make friends is by being a friend. Other people want friends too. You don’t need to impress anyone. There are amazing people everywhere who you will love, and they will love you. Find things to do. Drive around, look at maps, use Google, dive in to your surroundings. Every city has something unique to offer so take advantage of whatever it is in your new city while you can. Living away from family… the good, bad, exciting, and sad… anyone can benefit from the experience!
P.S. we do plan on moving back to Utah someday. but we don’t yet know when that “someday” is!
Love this!